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I'm beginning to realise that committing to a year's meditation challenge is a bit like going on a diet. The decision to embark on the challenge is empowering and there's a feeling of sweeping aside cobwebs, out with the old, in with the new. You get yourself all set up, kitted out, tell people what you're doing and throw yourself into it with gusto. It feels cleansing and liberating just to be taking charge and trying something new and positive. You start to feel the effects almost immediately (aah the power of the mind) and look for and often find signs that it's working and the best thing you've ever done. Then you get tempted by a moist chocolatey brownie and the "old you" is transfixed by just how chewy and soft and chocolatey it is. The new you is surprised that your resolve is not quite as strong as you'd imagined and before you know it.....old habits......ooops.........how did that happen? Num num num. You feel disappointed in yourself and a little crestfallen. All that hard work...
Leaving the diet metaphor for now.....I've followed a similar pattern these last two weeks. I'm enjoying the quiet time each day and I've been feeling very positive and calm overall despite a few fishwife moments with the kids, though I'd like to think less than usual (maybe). Today though I've been feeling a bit frazzled, sleep-deprived and quite honestly, pretty lacklustre. My head's been a bit all over the place. At a social event this afternoon with friends I felt low-fi and a little self-conscious (for no obvious reason) and as I drove home reflecting on it all I found myself disappointed that I wasn't the calm-minded, Zenned out individual I thought I was becoming.
But I suppose this is the point of it all. The low-fi times will come. The chocolate brownies will always be there. It's how you deal with them and how you feel about how you deal with them which is important and which I hope meditation can help me with. I tend to be a little over-analytical and reflective at times, not always in a positive way. I'd like to be able to short circuit the incessant brain spiral now and again.
The new-me however now says..."great news though, is that you actually DID NOT EAT the chocolate brownie" ie I didn't break my regime. I have done my quiet me-time meditation every day and albeit I am not yet ZENNERAMA central, I'm not giving up. Just 350 days to go.
Leaving the diet metaphor for now.....I've followed a similar pattern these last two weeks. I'm enjoying the quiet time each day and I've been feeling very positive and calm overall despite a few fishwife moments with the kids, though I'd like to think less than usual (maybe). Today though I've been feeling a bit frazzled, sleep-deprived and quite honestly, pretty lacklustre. My head's been a bit all over the place. At a social event this afternoon with friends I felt low-fi and a little self-conscious (for no obvious reason) and as I drove home reflecting on it all I found myself disappointed that I wasn't the calm-minded, Zenned out individual I thought I was becoming.
But I suppose this is the point of it all. The low-fi times will come. The chocolate brownies will always be there. It's how you deal with them and how you feel about how you deal with them which is important and which I hope meditation can help me with. I tend to be a little over-analytical and reflective at times, not always in a positive way. I'd like to be able to short circuit the incessant brain spiral now and again.
The new-me however now says..."great news though, is that you actually DID NOT EAT the chocolate brownie" ie I didn't break my regime. I have done my quiet me-time meditation every day and albeit I am not yet ZENNERAMA central, I'm not giving up. Just 350 days to go.